What it looks like:
A Barbie baseball bat, in contrasting girlie shades of pink and purple. Definitely one for the ladies.
What the box promises:
"The quietest vibrator on the market" as designed by sexpert Dr Andrew Stanway, the man behind the best-selling Lovers' Guide videos.
What you're meant to do with it:
Three guesses. Up the fundament, via the clit. Only no-one will guess what you're up to. Perfect for those in shared flats, on a camping holiday, or in prison. Just how quiet is it? It feels like it's buzzing. But, unlike vibrators that shout "I'm bringing myself off now," it doesn't advertise what you're up to to anyone within a hundred metres. In fact, we'd go as far to say that as long as you don't leave it lying next to the communal toaster, your flatmates will be blissfully unaware of the existence of your "little helper".
What it feels like to the touch:
Smooth as a plastic popsicle. A little prim.
What it feels like inside:
Hard and unyielding and not necessarily in a good way either. Sometimes a girl wants some ridges 'n' ribbing to give a rougher, tougher sensation.
Time to orgasm:
17 minutes. But our snooping neighbour didn't hear us getting there. Unfortunately, no-one's made something that covers up our gasps.
Would you want to use it all the time?
Only if we lived in a Japanese paper-walled flat. While it's perfect if you want a temporarily muffled experience, we don't think it's effective enough to be a girl's best friend. A girl's demure acquaintance might be a better role for it to play.
Sexiness: 5/10
Who should buy it:
Those easily-embarrassed souls who also put paper down public toilets to disguise the sounds of bodily functions.
Alternative use:
Um, a plus-sized Barbie baseball bat.
Price: £24.95
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